Where to start?

Dear Rusty,

You once told me that you practiced yoga and that you were a teacher. Now I have a question that I think you can help me with. I’m going through some big turning points in my life and because of this, I’m looking for something that gives me a different focus. I’m trying to learn Buddhism, which is something I know you are familar with.

I’ve read a book about Buddhism, while I think I understand what I read, I know that I really don’t understand it on a deep level level that will lead to lasting changes. So I need your help.

Are there any guidelines you cold give me about where to start?

Michael

Dear Michael,

Thank you very much for writing and for sharing a little bit about what is happening in your dear world.

From my own experience, moments like this are pivotal, profound, introspective, and duly important.

When we begin to look inwardly — and even as we ‘look out’ witnessing our place in this great tapestry of life — we have so many options about how to move forward and settle into this very moment.

When I’m going through big changes, I find it helpful to imagine myself in the future, as an old man. (Still gorgeous, fun, cool, stretchy, and strong, I hope!) As I think from this elderly man’s point of view, I imagine what I would think about the younger “me” and his actions, and choices.

Would I be proud of his actions, strengths, acceptances, kindnesses, and healthy relationships? Or would I regret his actions and associations, and feel that he wasted his energy and precious time?

This perspective helps me remember what much of my yoga practice is about: Making choices that aren’t always easy and doing my very best to pay attention to as many moments — and breaths — as possible.

Tantra and hatha yoga both explain that we are each offered only a certain number of breaths in this life. In other words, it’s not by days, years, or even events that define the length of our life, but how wisely we use our breaths we have been gifted. This certainly affects both our health and how we speak, sing, and communicate as we share and listen to the truth of others.

The Dalai Lama and tantric Buddhist Lama Yeshe both say that if you want to be happy and successful (whatever that version of success might be), then hang out with happy and successful people.

Oftentimes, that requires great courage: First, to seek out those who inspire you and whose qualities you wish to emulate. And secondly, to pull away from people who exhibit qualities that do not enhance your own personal well being, growth, and true joyfulness.

This doesn’t mean you should be unkind, dismissive, or abrupt with people in your life who don’t offer the inspiration you truly need to honor your own inner compass or passion, what is often referred to as dharma. In certain situations, in fact, our duty might require us to take care of others, especially our loved ones, even though they may be ornery and unkind.

But there are certain patterns in our relationships that get stuck since childhood. If we maintain the same behaviors, we are only doing a dis-service to what we contribute to our own life, and to the stagnant energy of others who don’t evolve because of this mutually unhealthy pattern. If you hang out with people who are always bitching, complaining, and gossiping, you are either doing the same or enabling this go-nowhere attitude in life. And if that’s the situation, most likely you’ll end up rather bitter, lonely, isolated — and not very gorgeous at all!

So the choices we make now matter quite a lot.

One extra cool thing about tantra is that it holds the possibility that any change is possible in an instant. Many other schools of thought rely on many stages when it comes to achieving enlightenment, connectedness, true joy, and real Love. But tantra allows the very distinct possibility that these things can occur through these processes but can also happen at any given moment, within any breath, and within any decision. All that remains is a precious moment to acknowledge the Wonder of this incredibly kind yet incredibly short life we have been offered.

I grew up ingrained in Christian orthodoxy. I no longer ascribe to any particular religion or to any ‘isms’ like Buddhism, Hinduism, or Catholicism. I have found great wisdom in the seeds of each their truths, but often times feel that organized systems like these have too much man-made dogma and are often too politically motivated for me to feel the liberation of personal evolution and self-inquiry.

And though I do not have a religion in my life, I do honor the needs of others and respect and admire their connections to what holds truth, comfort, and value in their lives.

I am a student and teacher of Bhakti Yoga, which to me means a constant and unequivocal prayer of gratitude and love to the God of my own unique and ever-expanding understanding.

I don’t ever want to try and tell anyone what God looks like, but I do like what the Bhagavad-Gita says: “See me in all and see all in me so that no matter where you may live, in truth you live in me ”

It goes on to say that God lives equally in all beings. And I think that is so very cool. That means the people we like, don’t like, or don’t even know (including all of the animals!) have the same amount of that precious divine presence. Isn’t that lovely?

So, dear Michael. I have rambled on quite a bit and yet I haven’t a clue if this offers you any support whatsoever. But maybe it sheds a little light onto what I hold valuable. Please write back with any thoughts you may have. I am quite happy to be in this conversation.

With love and light,

Rusty